This article has taken a while to come together. I hope in searching for brevity I have not forsaken clarity.
When many in one's immediate community of family, friends and colleagues share the same set of life-priorities of finding partners, settling down, raising families or developing careers (or whatever else), it is easy to feel dislocation from that community on the basis of possessing a completely differing set of life-priorities. That feeling however doesn't mean that you have skewed and imbalanced priorities, and conversely, this does not in any way mean that there is some greater virtue to be found by possessing significantly different priorities to the majority of those around you.
Contrary to how it may feel, it's actually okay to have different life-priorities than the vast majority of those around you (not for the sake of 'being different' and deriving your identity by defining yourself as to how you differ from 'the majority' - that is nothing more than teenage fancy, bubble and froth that never actually lasts as it's without substance and value), even though these priorities will differ from those which are culturally and socially normative and constitutive of your community.
What sorts of circumstances are described by the above? The scenarios are probably as numerous as the individuals they apply to. Perhaps, for whatever reason, you're happier remaining single, even just for a while, and you've lot's of friends pairing up. Or maybe you come from a larger family where you stand out because of the fact that you're on a very different career path to the rest of your 'successful' siblings. Or perhaps you are allied to a cause or faith that brings with it a unique set of values, priorities and traditions. It could be anything.
It could be argued that legitimacy is the main factor at play. Although there is not anything per se that may be dictating or setting criteria for legitimate life-priorities, the predominant patterns of life-priorities in your community still emit a pervasive if intangible level of expectation to conformity. Thus engendering the propensity to assume or feel illegitimacy in your community and thus dislocation from it.
In this case, the task which emerges is at least twofold. Retreat to conformity for ease of existence is no existence, so initially at least, this option is not given as an option as part of the task in hand. Firstly, the task is one of critical authentication. That is, in order to maintain and hold onto the differing life-priorities possessed it is vital a dialogue is maintained by your pattern of priority with that the predominant pattern in the wider community. Through dialogue, the individual's pattern of priority can be tested against the priority of the wider community, allowing for a critically held individual pattern of priority and authentication of that same pattern as robust or at least serious (in the sense of 'worth holding on to' and 'can be held to' as opposed to commenting on the quality of the test which would, at least in part, hinge on the quality of the pattern of priority of the wider community with which the dialogue would take place).
The ongoing sustaining dialogue of critical authentication would allow for the individual to learn from the predominant pattern of priority in the wider community and inform, enrich and strengthen the integrity of the individual's pattern of priority. Further, the individual's pattern of priority is authentic, as exposed to comparison and critique in the wider community, is held and lived with due reason, avoiding the trap and charge of mindless adherence or a 'bunker mentality'. The individual then is free and confident to pursue his set of life-priorities with integrity, both intellectual and practical, on the basis of critical authentication.
The second side to the task, and intrinsic to its twofold nature, is to, on the basis of critical authentication, move forward through the community based upon the pattern of priorities. Not paralysed by the fear or feeling of difference or illegitimacy, but flourishing in clarity and execution, confident in the integrity of the set of life-priorities possessed. This moving forward is also entirely positive in nature. Rather than a pursuit and pressing on in spite of and in conflict with the predominating priorities in the community, it is a moving forward in understanding the community due to the ongoing dialogue with the predominating priorities of the community. Moreover, in the moving forward, the opportunity for mutuality in the further development and shaping of priorities both for the individual and the wider community. This underlines the fact that the task is, to an extent, an iterative one and ensures that the individual's set of priorities might be shaped to the better through dialogue.
This points to the inherent strength of such an approach - not only does carrying out such a task make for the confident, legitimate living of different life-priorities; the differing life-priorities of the individual are always open to revision, not to compromise the priorities, but that they might be strengthened through critique, questioning and learning.
Most importantly, through the approach of this task, there is freedom from the potential to feel dislocation from a community on the basis of life-priorities due to the ongoing active dialogue with the community regarding the contrasting sets of life-priorities. In turn, for those in the minority with unique life-priorities in contrast to predominant life-priorities of the community; they better learn the priorities of the community and appreciate how in fact there are no grounds for dislocation on the basis of divergent patterns of priority.
As well as overcoming the potential to dislocation, the way is also opened for a development of greater quality of relationships within the wider community, thus improving the overall quality of community experienced by the individual and the community at large. This is developed through the openness, transparency and understanding established through ongoing dialogue key to a critically authentic approach.
